Monday, December 22, 2008
A little look-see
 We were impressed by Justin Gustainis's gore-filled monsterfest Black Magic Woman, so we're stoked to see the sequel is almost out. Evil Ways will be on shelves on December 30th, but if you're all a-quiver for an early look at the story, you can read a lengthy (and R-rated--shield your eyes, young readers!) excerpt from the novel at Bookspot Central. Labels: Fantasy, Horror, Justin Gustainis, Snippet
Tuesday, June 19, 2007
Wordcandy Book Snippet
Excerpt from:The Brat, by Lynsay SandsWhy you should buy a copy of your very own:Sands' books are sweet, funny, and pleasantly free of buttheaded male main characters. I can't tell you how rare that is. In this scene...Our hero, Balan is doing his best to make idle chit-chat with our heroine, Murie. Unfortunately, he is really, really bad at idle chit-chat.  "Finally Murie said, 'Emilie says you and Reginald are friends?' 'Aye.' She waited for him to expound on that, but he didn't. Frowning, she asked, 'Have you known him long?' 'Aye.' Again she waited for him to expound, and again he didn't. Murie bit her lip. He wasn't being very helpful. 'Emilie says you have gone to battle for the king?' 'Aye.' 'In France?' she prodded. 'Aye.' 'Crecy? Calais?' she asked through gritted teeth. 'Aye.' Murie finally turned to him with irritation. 'Do you actually speak, my lord? If so, I would consider it rather kind of you to help out with this conversation, rather than leaving me to carry it on my own.' 'Aye. I speak,' he answered. Then he fell silent." © Lynsay Sands, 2007 Labels: Lynsay Sands, Snippet
Tuesday, January 09, 2007
Wordcandy Book Snippet
Excerpt from:Helen Huddleson, by Amanda McKittrick RosWhy you should buy a copy of your very own:This was an author who was confident that her books would be admired for the next thousand years, and when the book critics dared to disagree, she described them as "auctioneering agents of Satan". As far as I'm concerned, she should be universally celebrated. In this scene...Reformed rake Lord Raspberry is berating Madam Pear, who has kidnapped his wife and tried to put her to work in a brothel. It's really best to read this stuff out loud.  "Madam. How dare you? I say--how dare you? You have dragged my poor innocent dove--my wife--my angel into your seething saloon of sin and shame, to rob her of all the charm and grace and place her in the singed list of the loose to be in Co. with your train of degraded elegance. Give my little rural ruby set in the folds of innocence she wears, whose mind is as pure as the balm of heaven, within whose breasts sin hath never concealed itself. I say--give her me with a robe of rags, a mind of modesty, a heart of horror for all things unclean and hands untainted by the gruesome grasp of vice, rather than a princess--a duchess--a countess--a mimicking madonna decked with diamonds the purest, rubies the rarest, pearls of matchless lustre (produced by mechanical and mischievous means) and the defiled non-trappings some of our ugly-faced have-you-believe cream of aristocracy don to impersonate heaven's purest virgin of Babylonian blood and bearing, thereby aiming to achieve what is disgusting in the all-vacillating team of kindred humanity. I say, Madam, give me my wife rather than all these sistered aforesaid mentioned! --Amanda McKittrick Ros Readers, I love this woman. Labels: Amanda McKittrick Ros, Snippet
Thursday, November 09, 2006
Wordcandy Weekly Book Snippet
Excerpt from: Hot Toy, by Jennifer Crusie, found in the collection Santa, BabyWhy you should buy a copy of your very own:Because Jennifer Crusie's Christmas novella (if not the other two entries in the collection) is the most fun you'll have this season for $7.99. Crusie has a gift for screwball-comedy patter that you have to see to believe. In this scene...Trudy is really not enjoying her Christmas Eve. She's been sent out on a wild goose chase for this year's most hard-to-get toy (it's been out of stock since Thanksgiving), her sister is at home guzzling the gin, and she's just discovered that she accidentally picked up the wrong kind of wrapping paper.  "'Oh, hell.' 'What?' Courtney said. 'I got birthday paper', Trudy said. 'I need Christmas paper, and this is birthday--' ' Trudy', Courtney wailed. 'Maybe you can fake it', Reese said, with badly concealed exasperation. 'If it's just a bunch of animals, it could be anything.' Trudy held up the paper. It said Happy Birthday over and over and over. 'No animals. Just 'Happy Birthday' in red.' 'Well, then you're screwed', Reese said, sounding bored with the whole thing. 'No, she's not.' Nolan held out his hand. 'Give it here.' 'You're going to fix this?' Trudy said. 'How are you going to fix this?' Nolan wiggled his fingers. 'Gimme.' She handed the paper over and watched while he took out his pen again and wrote Jesus under every Happy Birthday." ©Jennifer Crusie, 2006 Labels: Jenny Crusie, Snippet
Thursday, September 21, 2006
Wordcandy Weekly Book Snippet
Excerpt from: Charlie and the Great Glass Elevator, by Roald Dahl
Why you should buy a copy of your very own:It's just as nasty as Charlie and the Chocolate Factory, but even weirder!
In this scene...Our young hero is traveling upwards in the great glass elevator at a tremendous rate of speed, accompanied by four grandparents, two parents, and Mr. Wonka. Three of the grandparents (Grandma Josephine, Grandma Georgina, and Grandpa George) aren't sold on this newfangled mode of travel.  "'What in the world keeps this thing up in the air?' croaked Grandma Josephine. 'Skyhooks', said Mr. Wonka. 'You amaze me', said Grandma Josephine. 'Dear lady', said Mr. Wonka, 'you are new to the scene. When you have been with us a little longer, nothing will amaze you.' 'These skyhooks', said Grandma Josephine. 'I assume one end is hooked into this contraption we're riding in. Right?' 'Right', said Mr. Wonka. 'What's the other end hooked into?' said Grandma Josephine. 'Every day', said Mr. Wonka, 'I get deafer and deafer. Remind me, please, to call up my ear doctor the moment we get back.' 'Charlie', said Grandma Josephine. 'I don't think I trust this gentleman very much.' 'Nor do I', said Grandma Georgina. 'He footles around.'" © Roald Dahl, 1972 Labels: Roald Dahl, Snippet
Thursday, August 17, 2006
Wordcandy Weekly Book Snippet
Excerpt from: The Secret Diary of Adrian Mole, Aged 13 3/4 , by Sue TownsendWhy you should buy a copy of your very own:Adrian Mole's neurotic, self-obsessed diary entries are painfully funny. (Emphasis on the "painfully".) I particularly like the "Poor Mr. Lucas!" line.
In this scene...Despite the fact that he still has a spot on his chin, it's an above-average Wednesday in Adrian's life. This is about a cheerful as he gets.  " Wednesday, January 14Joined the library. Got Care of the Skin, Origin of the Species, and a book by a woman my mother is always going on about. It is called Pride and Prejudice, by a woman called Jane Austen. I could tell the librarian was impressed. Perhaps she is an intellectual like me. She didn't look at my spot, so perhaps it is getting smaller. About time! Mr. Lucas was in the kitchen drinking coffee with my mother. The room was full of smoke. They were laughing, but when I went in, they stopped. Mrs. Lucas was next door cleaning the drains. She looked as if she was in a bad mood. I think Mr. and Mrs. Lucas have got an unhappy marriage. Poor Mr. Lucas! None of the teachers at school have noticed that I am an intellectual. They will be sorry when I am famous. There is a new girl in our class. She sits next to me in Geography. She is all right. Her name is Pandora, but she likes being called "Box". Don't ask me why. I might fall in love with her. It's time I fall in love, after all I am 13 3/4 years old." © Sue Townsend, 1982Labels: Snippet, Sue Townsend
Saturday, August 05, 2006
Wordcandy Weekly Book Snippet
Excerpt from: M.T. Anderson's Thrilling Tales: Whales on Stilts!, by M.T. Anderson
Why you should buy a copy of your very own:It's a goofy send-up of countless children's adventure series, but it works even if you're unfamiliar with the stories he's spoofing. C'mon--who wouldn't enjoy a book about an invasion of mind-controlled whales on stilts with laser eyeballs? (Plus, this book features the funniest pun I've read in years.)
In this scene...The author is reminiscing about his past adventures with invading sea life. The story is full of chatty, irrelevant asides like this one, so this sample should give you some idea as to whether or not you'd like the book.  "If you have ever been present at a vicious attack by elevated sea animals, you'll know exactly what the people of Pelt felt like. I, for example, was unlucky enough to be working as a housepainter in Minneapolis that terrifying summer of the Manatee Offensive. That was awful. The sky was black with them. Of course, the manatees weren't on stilts but wore small helipacks. The sound of those little helicopter blades chuddering in the summer air was overwhelming. It takes a lot to lift a manatee. You couldn't hear anything but the sound of them flying in their swarms while people honked their horns or ran for cover, weeping like babies. I had a friend who had also lived through a starfish attack, and during the manatee assault he pretty near fell apart. I had to keep shaking him. We were hiding in the frozen-food aisle of the Third Avenue Halt'n'Buy. The manatees were buzzing around the parking lot just outside. My friend was getting hysterical. I finally slapped him. He blinked a few times and thanked me. He shook my hand. Then he stood and began, quite methodically, to jump up and down on boxes of Mrs. Paul's Fish Sticks. Such are the peculiarities of the human psyche." ©M.T. Anderson, 2005 Labels: M.T. Anderson, Snippet
Monday, July 17, 2006
Wordcandy Weekly Book Snippet
Excerpt from: The World of Jeeves, by P.G. Wodehouse Why you should buy a copy of your very own:Because no one on God's green earth does this sort of humor like Wodehouse. And these paragraphs are almost pure description--imagine what the man could do with a little dialogue. In this scene...Once again, young Bertie Wooster is about to be imposed upon. This time, it's by Lady Malvern, who has decided that Bertie is the perfect person to look after her son, Motty, for a few weeks.  "Lady Malvern was a hearty, happy, healthy, overpowering sort of dashed female, not so very tall, but making up for it by measuring about six feet from the O.P. to the Prompt Side. She fitted into my biggest arm-chair as if it had been built round her by someone who knew they were wearing arm-chairs tight about the hips that season. She had bright, bulging eyes and a lot of yellow hair, and when she spoke she showed about fifty-seven front teeth. She was one of those women who kind of numb a fellow's faculties. She made me feel as if I were ten years old and had been brought into the drawing-room in my Sunday clothes to say how-d'you-do. Altogether by no means the sort of thing a chappie would wish to find in his sitting room before breakfast. Motty, the son, was about twenty-three, tall and thin and meek-looking. He had the same yellow hair as his mother, but he wore it plastered down and parted in the middle. His eyes bulged, too, but they weren't bright. They were a dull grey with pink rims. His chin gave up the struggle about half-way down, and he didn't appear to have any eyelashes. A mild, furtive, sheepish sort of blighter, in fact. 'Awfully glad to see you,' I said, though this was far from the case, for already I was beginning to have a sort of feeling that dirty work was threatening in the offing." (c)P.G. Wodehouse, 1967 Labels: P.G. Wodehouse, Snippet
Friday, July 07, 2006
Wordcandy Weekly Book Snippet
Excerpt from: The Thin Man, by Dashiell Hammet
Why you should buy a copy of your very own:Because the dialogue, the mystery, and the characters are all awesome--sure, there's all that drinking (the book is awash in alcohol; Nick and Nora have, like, a pre-breakfast cocktail hour and just keep rolling from there), but that's just part of its charm. In this scene...Nick and Nora are chatting about the tail end of the mystery. Nora's trying to do a spot of detective work, and Nick's not playing.  "She frowned at me. 'I wish you'd found out more about that big fat man they called Sparrow and that big red-haired woman.' 'But how about Dorothy and Gilbert?' 'I wanted to ask you about them. Do you think he's got any very strong paternal feeling for them?' 'No.' 'You're probably just trying to discourage me,' she said. 'Well, knowing them, it's hard to think either of them might've been guilty, but I tried to throw out my personal feelings and stick to logic. Before I went to sleep last night I made a list of all the--' 'There's nothing like a little logic-sticking to ward off insomnia. It's like--' 'Don't be so damned patronizing. Your performance so far has been a little less than dazzling.' 'I didn't mean no harm,' I said and kissed her. 'That a new dress?' 'Ah! Changing the subject, you coward.'" (C)Dashiell Hammet, 1934Labels: Dashiell Hammet, Snippet
Sunday, June 25, 2006
Wordcandy Weekly Book Snippet
Excerpt from: Seven Up, by Janet Evanovich
Why you should buy a copy of your very own:Nobody does inspired lunacy like Janet Evanovich. Her Stephanie Plum series can be a little uneven (and I usually forget the plot about four seconds after finishing the book), but her books are always guaranteed to have at least two scenes that make me laugh 'til I choke. In this scene...Stephanie is introducing herself.  "For the better part of my childhood, my professional aspirations were simple--I wanted to be an intergalactic princess. I didn't care much about ruling hordes of space people. Mostly I wanted to wear the cape and the sexy boots and carry a cool weapon. As it happens, the princess thing didn't work out for me, so I went to college and when I graduated I went to work as a lingerie buyer for a chain store. Then that didn't work out, so I blackmailed my bail bondsman cousin into giving me a job as a bounty hunter. Funny how fate steps in. I never did get the cape or the sexy boots, but I do finally have a sort of cool weapon. Well, okay, it's a little .38 and I keep in my cookie jar, but it's still a weapon, right?" (c)Janet Evanovich, 2001 Labels: Janet Evanovich, Snippet, Stephanie Plum
Sunday, June 11, 2006
Wordcandy weekly book snippet
Excerpt from: Cold Comfort Farm, by Stella Gibbons Why you should buy a copy of your very own:Well, it's one of my favorite books...what, don't you trust me? Fine, then. It's the story of a young woman named Flora Poste, who fights a brave battle to force her wackjob relatives to behave like normal human beings, rather than extras from a D.H. Lawrence novel. In this scene...Our heroine, Flora, and her cousin Reuben, are discussing Aunt Ada Doom. Aunt Ada Doom is the weirdest of the bunch, so there's a fair amount to discuss.  "'She-she's mad.' Fat and dark, the word lay between them in the indifferent air. Time, which had been behaving normally lately, suddenly began to spin upon a bright point in endless space. It never rains but it pours. 'Oh,' said Flora, thoughtfully. So that was it. Aunt Ada Doom was mad. You would expect, by all the laws of probability, to find a mad grandmother at Cold Comfort, and for once the laws of probability had not done you down and a mad grandmother there was. Flora observed, tapping her shoe with her walking stick, that it was very awkward. 'Aye,' said Rueben, ''Tes terrible. And her madness takes the form of wantin' to know everything as goes on. She has to see all the books twice a week: the milk book an' the chicken book an' the pig book and corn book. If we keeps the books back, she has an attack. 'Tes terrible. She's the head of the family, ye see. We mun keep her alive at all costs. She never comes down but twice a year-on the first of May and on the last day of the harvest festival. If anybody eats too much, she has an attack. 'Tes terrible.' 'It is indeed,' agreed Flora. It struck her that Aunt Ada Doom's madness had taken the most convenient form possible. If everybody who went mad could arrange in what way it was to take them, she felt pretty sure they would all choose to be mad like Ada Doom." (c)Stella Gibbons, 1932Labels: Snippet, Stella Gibbons
Thursday, June 01, 2006
Wordcandy weekly book snippet
Excerpt from: Staying Fat for Sarah Byrnes , by Chris Crutcher
Why you should buy a copy of your very own:Chris Crutcher is a family therapist, and his books are always about hardcore teen suffering--usually featuring some sort of hideous abuse. They're also sweet, smart, and (periodically) wildly funny. It's a weird combo, but he makes it work. In this scene...Our hero, Eric "Moby" Calhoune, is describing the less-than-svelte figure he cuts in his swimming gear.  "If my belly button were a knothole it would certainly be more congruous with my keg-like body. I have chiseled away at my father's genetic code since I realized I was better equipped to roll to school than walk, but the bare-bones me is still more Raymond Burr than Arnold Schwarzenegger. All of which wouldn't matter, but for the amount of time that my belly button is exposed, which approaches four hours a day. I'm a swimmer. I probably don't have to tell you the Speedo people don't employ William Conrad as a fashion designer, and I therefore do not step onto the starting blocks looking like a Sports Illustrated fashion plate. Looks alone would be enough to keep most guys with my particular body design as far away from water as the Wicked Witch of the West, but swimming is a thinking man's sport and Ms. Lemry is a thinking man's coach. Besides, it keeps me far from the clutches of Coach Stone, who has been trying to get me to come out for wrestling since I was a frosh because he fancies me unbeatable as a heavyweight, which I very well might be. But the idea of a permanent gash across the bridge of my nose and mat burns on every pointed appendage does not appeal to me no matter how many trophies I might walk away with. I'm not a great swimmer, but I'm good--a lot better that you'd think looking at me--and I like the challenge of the clock, as well as the people involved. I also like the wake I create for the guy in the next lane." (c)Chris Crutcher, 1993 Labels: Chris Crutcher, Snippet
Wednesday, May 10, 2006
Wordcandy weekly book snippet
Excerpt from:Second Sight, by Amanda QuickWhy you should buy a copy of your very own:A fun new book from Ms. Quick, filled with humor and interesting characters In this scene...Venetia is a talented photographer with an uncanny ability--the power to see people's auras. In order to succeed as a photographer, she establishes herself as a respectable widow and, in a private tribute to a man she'd known all too briefly, calls herself "Mrs. Jones." Of course, things get a bit complicated when Mr. Jones, the powerful psychic who happens to be the mysterious Master of the Arcane Society, strides back into Venetia's life and is less than pleased to learn that Venetia has been posing as his wife. As for Venetia, well... let's just say that there is nothing like having fictional dead husband come back from the grave to ruin a fine spring morning.  "You consigned him to the attic?" Amelia set down a tray of retouching tools. "But he is your husband." "There appears to be a grave misunderstanding here." Venetia grasped the edge of the large metal stand that held the painted backdrop of an Italian garden. "Mr. Jones is not my husband." "Yes, of course, I know that," Amelia said, impatient. "The thing is, people are supposed to believe that he is your husband." "That circumstance," Venetia said, hauling the backdrop into position behind the sitter's chair, "is not my fault." "A matter of opinion, if you ask me." Amelia began to sort through the large selection of props. "What will the neighbors think if they discover that you have stashed Mr. Jones in the attic?" "It is not as though I had a great deal of choice." Venetia released the backdrop and stood back to survey the results. "I am certainly not about to give up my bedroom and take up residence in the attic. Nor will I allow you or Edward or Aunt Beatrice to be shifted upstairs. It would not be right." "I doubt that Mr. Jones would want you to inconvenience any of us to that extent in any event," Amelia said. She selected an Italianese vase from the assortment of props. "He seems very much the gentleman." "When it suits him," Venetia muttered darkly. (c) Amanda Quick, 2006 Labels: Amanda Quick, Snippet
Friday, May 05, 2006
Wordcandy weekly book snippet
Excerpt from:The Boy Next Door, by Meg CabotWhy you should buy a copy of your very own:It's a romance novel told entirely through e-mail exchanges, and it's funny as all-git-out. In this scene...This e-mail is addressed to our heroine (Mel), and was written by a supermodel named Vivica. Vivica's not the sharpest knife in the drawer, and she's never learned the no-capitalization rule of e-mail etiquette, but her heart's in the right place. Both she and Mel have recently been disappointed in love, and Vivica is sending her condolences.  "To: Mel Fuller Melissa.fuller@thenyjournal.com From: Vivica@sophisticates.com Subject: Max Friedlander DEAR MEL, WELL, I THOUGHT THAT MIGHT BE THE CASE. THAT STORY ABOUT MAX WANTING TO MARRY ME BEING MADE UP, I MEAN. I LIKE YOUR IDEA ABOUT RUNNING ANOTHER STORY ABOUT HIM. COULD YOU SAY THAT WHEN HE SLEEPS, HE SNORES LOUDER THAN ANY HUMAN BEING ON THE PLANET? BECAUSE THAT IS DEFINITELY TRUE. I AGREE WITH YOU ABOUT HOW YOU CAN'T HAVE A RELATIONSHIP THAT IS BASED ON LIES. MAX TOLD ME HE LOVED ME, AND IT TURNED OUT THAT WAS ALL LIES. I REALLY, REALLY LOVED HIM, BUT HE SLEPT WITH THE MAID ANYWAY, AND ALL BECAUSE OF SOME STUPID DRIFTWOOD DOLPHINS. YOU SOUND PRETTY NICE, FOR A REPORTER. WOULD YOU LIKE TO HAVE LUNCH ONE DAY WHILE YOU ARE ON HIATUS? I FOUND A NEW RESTAURANT I REALLY, REALLY LIKE. IT IS CALLED APPLEBEE'S AND THEY HAVE EXCELLENT CHILI NACHOS, ALMOST AS GOOD AS MY OTHER FAVORITE RESTAURANT, FRIDAY'S. DO YOU WANT TO GO WITH ME SOMETIME? IT IS OKAY IF YOU SAY NO BECAUSE LOTS OF GIRLS DON'T LIKE ME ON ACCOUNT OF MY BEING A MODEL. LIKE MY GRANDMA SAYS, HONEY, IF YOU AIN'T A HUNDRED-DOLLAR BILL, NOT EVERYONE IS GOING TO LIKE YOU. LET ME KNOW. LOVE, VIVICA" (c) Meg Cabot, 2002 Labels: Meg Cabot, Snippet
Friday, April 21, 2006
Wordcandy weekly book snippet
Excerpt from: Kitty and the Midnight Hour, by Carrie Vaughn
Why you should buy a copy of your very own:The wry, funny, werewolf heroine, who starts off the book as a lowly pack member and finishes it as a kicker of ass and taker of names.
In this scene...Kitty Norville is a late-night D.J. whose radio show has turned into a call-in therapy center for supernatural beings and the humans who love them too much.  '"Next caller, hello. You're on the air." "It-it's my girlfriend. She won't bite me." Bobby from St. Louis sounded about twenty, boyish and nervous. A gawky post-adolescent with bigger fantasies than he knew what to do with. He probably wore a black leather jacket and had at least one tattoo--in a place he could cover with a shirt. "Okay, Bobby, let's back up a little. Your girlfriend." "Yeah?" "Your girlfriend is a werewolf." "Yeah," he said in a voice gone slightly dreamy. "And you want her to bite you and infect you with lycanthropy." "Uh, yeah. She says I don't know what I'd be getting into." "Do you think that she may be right?" "Well, it's my decision--" "Would you force her to have sex with you Bobby?" "No! That'd be rape." "Then don't force her to do this. Just imagine how guilty she'd feel if she did it and you changed your mind afterward. This isn't a tattoo you can have lasered off. We're talking about an entire lifestyle change here. Turning into a bloodthirsty animal once a month, hiding that fact from everyone around you, trying to lead a normal life when you're not even human. Have you met her pack?" "Uh, no." "Then you really don't know what you're talking about when you say you want to be a werewolf." "Uh, no." "Bobby, I usually make suggestions rather than tell people flat out what to do, but I'm making an exception in your case. Listen to your girlfriend. She knows a heck of a lot more about it than you do, okay?" "Uh, okay. Thanks, Kitty." "Good luck to you, Bobby," I said, and clicked Bobby off. "And good luck to Bobby's girlfriend. My advice to her is dump the guy, she doesn't need that kind of stress in her life. You're listening to 'The Midnight Hour' with me, Kitty Norville. The last hour we've been discussing relationships with lycanthropes, bones to pick and beef to grind. Let's break now for station ID and when we come back, more calls."' (c)Carrie Vaughn, 2005 Labels: Carrie Vaughn, Snippet
Tuesday, April 11, 2006
Wordcandy weekly book snippet
Excerpt from: The Princess Bride, by William GoldmanWhy you should buy a copy of your very own:Dude. The subtitle is "A Hot Fairytale". What's not to love? In this scene...Goldman is giving us a little history.  "The year Buttercup was born, the most beautiful woman in the world was a French scullery maid named Annette. Annette worked in Paris for the Duke and Duchess de Guiche, and it did not escape the Duke's notice that someone extraordinary was polishing the pewter. The Duke's notice did not escape the notice of the Duchess either, who was not very beautiful and not very rich, but plenty smart. The Duchess set about studying Annette and shortly found her adversary's tragic flaw. Chocolate. Armed now, the Duchess set to work. The Palace de Guiche turned into a candy castle. Everywhere you looked, bonbons. There were piles of chocolate-covered mints in the drawing rooms, baskets of chocolate-covered nougats in the parlors. Annette never had a chance. Inside a season, she went from delicate to whopping, and the Duke never glanced in her direction without sad bewilderment clouding his eyes. (Annette, it might be noted, seemed only cheerier throughout her enlargement. She eventually married the pastry chef and they both ate a lot until old age claimed them. Things, it might also be noted, did not fare so cheerily for the Duchess. The Duke, for reasons passing understanding, next became smitten with his own mother-in-law, which caused the Duchess ulcers, only they didn't have ulcers yet. More precisely, ulcers existed, people had them, but they weren't called "ulcers". The medical profession at the time called them "stomach pains" and felt that the best cure was coffee dolloped with brandy twice a day until the pains subsided. The Duchess took her mixture faithfully, watching through the years as her husband and her mother blew kisses at each other behind her back. Not surprisingly, the Duchess's grumpiness became legendary, as Voltaire has so ably chronicled. Except this was before Voltaire.)" (c)William Goldman, 1973 Labels: Snippet, The Princess Bride
Wednesday, April 05, 2006
Wordcandy weekly book snippet
Excerpt from: Bet Me, by Jennifer CrusieWhy you should buy a copy of your very own:Because you should buy a copy of every Jenny Crusie book that you can get your little hands on, obviously. In this scene...Min Dobbs is in the process of being dumped by her yuppie scum boyfriend. She's not exactly torn up about being dumped (she's well aware that he's yuppie scum), but she is mad as hell about the fact that now she won't have a date to her sister's wedding, and her mother is gonna kill her if she shows up without an escort.  '"I'm sorry, Min," David said, clearly not. Min crossed her arms over her gray-checked suit jacket so she wouldn't smack him. "This is because I won't go home with you tonight? It's Wednesday. I have to work tomorrow. You have to work tomorrow. I paid for my own drink." "It's not that." David looked noble and wounded as only the tall, dark, and self-righteous could. "You're not making any effort to make our relationship work, which means..." Which means we've been dating for two months and I still won't sleep with you. Min tuned him out and looked around the babbling crowd. If I had an untraceable poison, I could drop it in his drink now and none of these suits would notice."...and I do think, if we have any future, that you should contribute too," David said. Oh, I don't, Min thought, which meant that David had a point. Still, lack of sex was no excuse for dumping her three weeks before she had to wear a maid-of-honor dress that made her look like a fat, demented shepherdess. "Of course we have a future, David," she said, trying to put her anger on ice. "We have plans. Diana is getting married in three weeks. You're invited to the wedding. To the rehearsal dinner. To the bachelor party. You're going to miss the stripper, David." "Is that all you think of me?" David's voice went up. "I'm just a date to your sister's wedding?" "Of course not," Min said. "Just as I'm sure I'm more to you than somebody to sleep with." David opened his mouth and closed it again. "Well, of course."' (c)Jennifer Cruise, 2004 Labels: Jenny Crusie, Snippet
Tuesday, March 28, 2006
Wordcandy weekly book snippet
Excerpt from: Devil's Cub, by Georgette Heyer
Why you should buy a copy of your very own:It's Heyer's hottest romance (although you have to judge these things on the Heyer scale-we're talking about lots of sexual tension, followed by a single kiss at the end of the story).
In this scene...In a desperate attempt to discourage the Marquis of Vidal's interest in her beautiful, amoral sister, Mary Challoner has just spent the past few chapters pretending to be a scheming floozy. Things get a little difficult when Vidal drunkenly decides that one sister will do just as well as the other. Unfortunately for Mary, her recent behavior has given Vidal some justification for thinking that she's just playing hard to get; unfortunately for Vidal... well, Mary really means it, and she has the pistol to prove it.  ""You won't pretend, I hope, that you are fallen in love with me." "Love?" he said scornfully. "No, madam. I feel no more love for you than I felt for your pretty sister. But you've thrown yourself at my head, and by God I'll take you!" His eyes ran over her. "You've a mighty trim figure, my dear, and from what I can discover, more brain than Sophia. You lack her beauty, but I'm not repining." She looked up at him gravely. "My lord, if you take me, it will be for revenge, I think. Have I deserved so bitter a punishment?" "You're not very complimentary, are you?" he mocked. She rose, holding her pistol behind her. "Let me go now," she said. "You do not want me, and indeed I think you have punished me enough." "Oh, so that's it, is it?" he said. "Are you piqued that I liked Sophia better? Never heed it, my dear, I've forgotten the wench already." "My lord," she said desperately, "indeed I am not what you think me!" He burst into one of his wild laughs, and she realized that in this mood she could make no impression on him. He was advancing towards her. She brought her right hand from behind her, and leveled the pistol. "Stand right where you are!" she said. "If you come one step nearer I shall shoot you down." He stopped short. "Where did you get that thing?" he demanded. "Out of your coach," she answered. "Is it loaded?" "I don't know," said Miss Challoner, incurably truthful. He began to laugh again, and walked forward. "Shoot then," he invited, "and we shall know. For I am coming several steps nearer, my lady." Miss Challoner saw that he meant it, shut her eyes and resolutely pulled the trigger. There was a deafening report and the Marquis went staggering back. He recovered in a moment. "It was loaded," he said coolly." (C)Georgette Heyer, 1966 Labels: Georgette Heyer, Snippet
Monday, March 20, 2006
Wordcandy's (new and improved) weekly book snippet...
...now with 100% more background information! Excerpt from:The Sisters Grimm: The Unusual Suspects, by Michael BuckleyWhy you should buy a copy of your very own:The likable heroines, the clever twists on classic fairy tale characters, and the author's snarky sense of humor
In this scene...Our heroines, Sabrina and Daphne Grimm, are sneaking through their on-again, off-again friend Puck's magical, forest-themed bedroom. Puck has been the Trickster King for centuries, and his bedroom decor reflects that—it's a dangerous place to wander about in, as the Grimm sisters realized on a previous visit. (They took a wrong step and were catapulted into a vat of pickle-scented glue.) This time, they're determined to find Puck without mishap.  The girls crept along the path around the lagoon and then into some heavy brush. Eventually they came to a trampoline on which Puck was sound asleep. The Trickster King was wearing a pair of blue footie pajamas that had little smiling stars and moons on them. Held close to his face was a soft pink stuffed unicorn with a rainbow sewn on its side. If only Sabrina had brought a camera, she could have also recorded his thumb in his mouth.
"Time to wake up the sleepy monkey," Sabrina cooed in baby talk, trying her best not to roar with laughter.
Daphne giggled but held her hand over her mouth.
"Wakie-wakie, eggs and bac-ie," Sabrina continued.
Puck stirred in his sleep but didn't wake. A big stream of drool escaped his mouth and ran down the front of his pajamas.
"Does someone have the sleepy-sleepies?" Daphne said mimicking her sister's baby talk.
"Time to come back from dreamland, precious," the older girl said, shaking the boy roughly. Puck sprang from his sleep, with wings extended from his back. He waved his big pink unicorn like a deadly sword and slashed at the children.
"Nice jammies," Daphne snickered.
"I especially like Mr. Unicorn," Sabrina laughed.
"His name is Kraven the Deceiver," Puck corrected, before realizing what he was holding and who was with him. (c)Michael Buckley, 2005 Labels: Michael Buckley, Sisters Grimm, Snippet
Sunday, March 05, 2006
Wordcandy Weekly Book Snippet
 Jim, the neighbor who lives in the three-story colonial down the block, has recently turned 50. You know this because Jim's wife threw him a surprise party about a month ago. You also know this because, since then, Jim has dyed his hair blond, purchased a leather bomber jacket, traded in his Chevy Suburban for a sleek Miata, and ditched the wife for a girlfriend half her size and age. Yet, aside from the local ladies' group's sympathetic clucks for the scorned wife, few neighbors are surprised at Jim's instant lifestyle change. Instead, they nod their heads undertandingly. "Oh Jim," they say. "He's just going through a midlife crisis. Everyone goes through it." Friends, colleagues, and family members excuse his weird behavior as an inevitable effect of reaching this particular stage of life. Like millions of other middle-ages people, Jim has reached a period during which he believes he must ponder the direction of his life – and then alter it. Chances are, if you're reading this book, you're not Jim. You know this because you can't afford a leather bomber jacket, you drive your parents' Volvo (if you drive a car at all), and regardless of your gender, you would happily marry Jim's wife if she gets to keep the house. But Jim's midlife crisis that is widely recognized as a common, inevitable part of life. This is pertinent because, despite all of the attention lavished on the midlife crisis, despite the hundreds of books, movies, and magazine articles dedicated to explaining the sometimes traumatic transition through middle age and the ways to cope with it, the midlife crisis is not the only age-related crisis that we experience. As Yoda whispered to Luke Skywalker, "There is another." From Quaterlife Crisis; The Unique Challenges of Life in Your Twenties, by Alexandra Robbins and Abby WilnerLabels: Snippet
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